I knew I wouldn't be able to keep this up as frequently as I wanted to, but I'm surprised that it's been an entire month since my last entry! We had the two month doctor's visit yesterday and it went very well. She's still putting weight on as expected and the doctor said that he doesn't need to see her until four months as long as everything is good. That would be amazing if we didn't have to go back for two whole months! I wasn't as nervous about her weight gain this month because I could definitely tell she had put weight on. My big anxiety for this appointment was the vaccines. I've always been an advocate for vaccines and have never really thought they were dangerous. Unfortunately, I ran across a discussion board where people have been trying to link vaccines to SIDS and it got me very paranoid. It made me extremely anxious so I spent most of two days on the internet trying to find an association. Then I started reading other vaccine horror stories. I simply asked my doctor yesterday what he thought of the link and he said he doesn't think it's true at all. I would never not vaccinate my child so the information wouldn't have changed my mind anyway. It's just scary. I think it's just like any other medicine you put in your body. Some people are going to have a reaction to it while other people won't. So far, she's been pretty good but I've had a much closer eye on her the last 24 hours than usual. I think this will continue for the next few days until we're in the clear.
The biggest reason I've not had time to update this blog is because I've started pumping milk to get a freezer stock for when I go back to work. I have to say it's such a major time kill. The worst part about it is that it takes time away from the baby. I do it in the morning because that's when they say you have the most milk. The actual pumping doesn't take longer than 20 minutes but everything has to be sterilized afterwards. My husband has been working diligently on getting the baby to take a bottle and I think he's finally succeeded. It took a lot of nights with her crying up a storm. Then we tried to feed her using some of my freezer stock and she didn't take it, so we thought that my freezer milk was bad. Luckily, we tried another freezer milk bag last night and she took it no problem. When we first introduced the freezer stock she wasn't used to the bottle yet so I think it might have been that more than the taste of the milk. Although, I've tasted the freezer stock and it's not very good.
It's hard to believe that in just two weeks I have to start work again. I'm really starting to get nervous about it because I don't want to leave the baby. The longest I've been away from her is 3 hours and I can't imagine being away from her for 8 hours. The logistics of keeping my milk supply up is gong to be annoying too. I'm going to have to pump twice an evening at work in order to keep my body making as much milk as it's used to making. That's going to be tricky because I work in a very busy environment. I guess I should just consider myself lucky that I don't have to go back full time and that very close relatives are going to be taking care of her. My Mother and my Mother-In-Law are both going to take a shift. It's actually only going to be about 4-5 hours that they're watching her because my husband will take over when he's done work.
I guess I should say something about breastfeeding since I usually do. It's still not 100% at this point which is so frustrating. I'm having problems with one side and I actually spoke with a lactation consultant yesterday to try to figure out what to do. She gave me some tips. I'm wondering if I'll ever get it down on that side! At least I know that the baby is getting what she needs and with that, I can deal with some minor discomfort. I'm just worried that the minor discomfort is going to lead to some sort of infection and then we're going to have major problems. Hopefully I can get this figured out! The baby is getting bigger so maybe she'll start to get better at latching on and it will solve the problem right there.
It's been so exciting watching her develop. She smiles all the time now and babbles as well. She is also starting to grab for things, like stuffed animals and I find it so incredibly cute! I've been looking at the pictures from her at birth and comparing them to now. It's fascinating seeing how much more aware and alert she is now! Alright, I've got to go, baby is definitely stirring!
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Monday, April 11, 2016
Doctor's Appointment.
Today was the baby's one month doctors appointment and I was very nervous going into it because I wasn't sure if she'd gained the appropriate amount of weight. All of the visitors who have seen her recently have said that she felt heavier but I was still very nervous. Luckily, she is right on track with her weight gain and I'm extremely happy about that! The doctor said everything else looked great too....swoosh. That all left me feeling terrific for about 5 minutes until I got home and the panic about whether I'm doing things right started all over again:( Even though I still dislike breastfeeding, it's extremely empowering knowing that I have exclusively fed another person for an entire month on something my body has produced. Therefore, I'll continue to do it as well as b**** and complain about it for a little while longer.
Getting to the doctors today was actually a bit of a disorganized mess because you don't realize how hard it is to get a one month old baby ready to leave the house. I had it all planned out....I decided to do what I did for the previous appointment, which was to feed her right before we left the house. Well that turned into a crying fit because apparently she wasn't hungry and was refusing to eat. It left me covered in milk and spit up but I certainly didn't have time to change! After I quit trying to force feed her I had to get her changed into her appointment appropriate outfit, which was a little bundler with pink ballet slippers on it:) Of course that involved a diaper change, which lead to her peeing all over herself and then by the time I got her dressed I was practically running out the door. It wasn't until we got to the doctors office, my Mother came with us, that I realized I had forgotten her diaper bag. Luckily, they have extra diapers at the office....swoosh. My Mother did comment that it could have been worse, I could have forgotten the baby:)
My Mother is staying with me for a few days because my husband is away on business and these visits always get interesting. No matter how helpful my Mother is she always has a habit of getting on my nerves. I feel terrible about it and I really try hard not to snap at her but I always end up doing it a couple of times. One of the things she's been doing since I've had the baby which is driving me crazy is telling me that I'm feeding the baby too often. Grr, the doctor said to do it on demand and if she's acting hungry I'm going to feed her! It is nice having her here though because she has had 4 babies and it's comforting having someone around who doesn't panic at the sound of every weird baby noise. I really didn't think I was ready to be all alone with the baby overnight. My Mother watches the baby for me so I can get some things done or take a shower. It's amazing what a nice hot shower, without the fear of a baby crying during it, will do for your mood.
I think I'm finally getting a little more used to be home during the day although every day is still so different. It's this complete lack of structure in my day that is driving me the most crazy. I like to have a plan and the baby doesn't. Each day she eats, sleeps and plays at completely different times. It makes it impossible to even figure out what is "normal" for her. I can't say how often I've "googled" things to figure out if they're normal or not. I try not to but it is an easy way to find some answers. I don't know what parents did before the world wide web! Alright, the baby is stirring so until next time!
Getting to the doctors today was actually a bit of a disorganized mess because you don't realize how hard it is to get a one month old baby ready to leave the house. I had it all planned out....I decided to do what I did for the previous appointment, which was to feed her right before we left the house. Well that turned into a crying fit because apparently she wasn't hungry and was refusing to eat. It left me covered in milk and spit up but I certainly didn't have time to change! After I quit trying to force feed her I had to get her changed into her appointment appropriate outfit, which was a little bundler with pink ballet slippers on it:) Of course that involved a diaper change, which lead to her peeing all over herself and then by the time I got her dressed I was practically running out the door. It wasn't until we got to the doctors office, my Mother came with us, that I realized I had forgotten her diaper bag. Luckily, they have extra diapers at the office....swoosh. My Mother did comment that it could have been worse, I could have forgotten the baby:)
My Mother is staying with me for a few days because my husband is away on business and these visits always get interesting. No matter how helpful my Mother is she always has a habit of getting on my nerves. I feel terrible about it and I really try hard not to snap at her but I always end up doing it a couple of times. One of the things she's been doing since I've had the baby which is driving me crazy is telling me that I'm feeding the baby too often. Grr, the doctor said to do it on demand and if she's acting hungry I'm going to feed her! It is nice having her here though because she has had 4 babies and it's comforting having someone around who doesn't panic at the sound of every weird baby noise. I really didn't think I was ready to be all alone with the baby overnight. My Mother watches the baby for me so I can get some things done or take a shower. It's amazing what a nice hot shower, without the fear of a baby crying during it, will do for your mood.
I think I'm finally getting a little more used to be home during the day although every day is still so different. It's this complete lack of structure in my day that is driving me the most crazy. I like to have a plan and the baby doesn't. Each day she eats, sleeps and plays at completely different times. It makes it impossible to even figure out what is "normal" for her. I can't say how often I've "googled" things to figure out if they're normal or not. I try not to but it is an easy way to find some answers. I don't know what parents did before the world wide web! Alright, the baby is stirring so until next time!
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
I'm Back!
After a long break from blogging (my last blog being 10/8/14) I've decided to start blogging again since I've definitely missed the writing. My last blog consisted of daily entries for 365 days, because I was working on my OCD and thought that writing my daily activities down would help. Currently, I still have OCD, but I'm not even going to try to blog every single day since now I have a baby:) Most of this blog will be about me fumbling my way through Motherhood and I will also be discussing how it effects my OCD.
My baby girl was born 3/9/16. Up until the day my baby was born I didn't know what the gender was although I had a feeling very early on that it was going to be a girl. Honestly, I didn't care at all as long as he/she was healthy. I was so nervous the entire pregnancy that something would go wrong, I really think that was a lot of my OCD involving superstitions. Every trip to the bathroom until the first trimester was over was a nerve wracking experience for me. I even delayed telling my co-workers until I was well within the second trimester. Luckily, everything turned out fine and she was born very healthy! Being pregnant really wasn't as bad as I was expecting, even up until the day I delivered I was able to get around without much issue. I had these images of waddling around the last month, but that wasn't me at all. My last day at work was the day before my due-date and I was still very active then. With this being said, I still suffered from various pregnancy issues but nothing that made the experience horrifying. One of the hardest parts of being pregnant for me were the food restrictions and not being able to drink alcohol. It's not like I was an alcoholic before but I definitely enjoyed my weekend drinks and it was a major adjustment for me at first. Also, I had gotten really into working out prior to my pregnancy and I was too nervous to work out during my pregnancy, which I'm now sort of regretting. Now, when I look at my post baby body I feel like I have a lot of work to do! Once I have my 6 week postpartum appointment and the doctor gives me the okay, I'm going to have to start getting some workouts in. Gulp, I'm not sure how I'm going to have time but it's a must!
It's been 4 weeks since my baby was born and I can easily say these have been the hardest 4 weeks of my life! Nothing really prepares you for this. The first week wasn't terrible because my husband was home but then he had to go back to work. Those first few days alone with the baby were horrible. I was definitely having what they call the "baby blues", on top of a complete lack of sleep. I just felt like I should be back at work and that someone else should be taking care of my child. After having thoughts like those you just start feeling guilty for thinking them. I couldn't believe that I wanted a baby so bad and I finally had one but wanted to be at work. It's just a hard adjustment....which is still hard on some days. I went from working full time and having complete independence to not being able to leave the house at all. Luckily, with my family and my husband's family, I haven't had to be alone too much. My husband has been very supportive as well. When he gets home from work he usually gives me a break so I can take a shower, play with the dog or do something that I haven't been able to do all day. My dog has been handling the adjustment better now than that first week too. She was miserable the first week and wouldn't even play with my husband or I. Now, she's pretty much back to her old self which is very comforting.
Then there's breastfeeding! It's supposed to be the easiest thing in the world to do, women for thousands of years have been doing it, but my baby and I suck at it....excuse the pun:) If you watch a YouTube video of how it's "supposed" to be done it looks nothing like me feeding my baby. After 4 weeks of doing this I still look extremely awkward. The baby has her one month doctors appointment on Monday and that's going to be the tell all. If she's gained the appropriate amount of weight then I'll be able to continue awkwardly feeding her and counting down the days until 6 months when I can wean her:) However, if she's underweight we're going to have problems and I don't know if I'll have the confidence to continue putting myself through all this.
I've just re-read this blog entry and it seems a little bit cold. I should add that I'm thrilled to be a Mother, especially to my baby girl. She is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and it's amazing that I created her....with my husband of course:) I've really enjoyed seeing her change just a little bit everyday. She's so much more aware and alert now than in the beginning and it's getting really exciting showing her different things. I love her facial expressions. Hopefully I'll manage to get myself through this period of adjustment somehow!
My baby girl was born 3/9/16. Up until the day my baby was born I didn't know what the gender was although I had a feeling very early on that it was going to be a girl. Honestly, I didn't care at all as long as he/she was healthy. I was so nervous the entire pregnancy that something would go wrong, I really think that was a lot of my OCD involving superstitions. Every trip to the bathroom until the first trimester was over was a nerve wracking experience for me. I even delayed telling my co-workers until I was well within the second trimester. Luckily, everything turned out fine and she was born very healthy! Being pregnant really wasn't as bad as I was expecting, even up until the day I delivered I was able to get around without much issue. I had these images of waddling around the last month, but that wasn't me at all. My last day at work was the day before my due-date and I was still very active then. With this being said, I still suffered from various pregnancy issues but nothing that made the experience horrifying. One of the hardest parts of being pregnant for me were the food restrictions and not being able to drink alcohol. It's not like I was an alcoholic before but I definitely enjoyed my weekend drinks and it was a major adjustment for me at first. Also, I had gotten really into working out prior to my pregnancy and I was too nervous to work out during my pregnancy, which I'm now sort of regretting. Now, when I look at my post baby body I feel like I have a lot of work to do! Once I have my 6 week postpartum appointment and the doctor gives me the okay, I'm going to have to start getting some workouts in. Gulp, I'm not sure how I'm going to have time but it's a must!
It's been 4 weeks since my baby was born and I can easily say these have been the hardest 4 weeks of my life! Nothing really prepares you for this. The first week wasn't terrible because my husband was home but then he had to go back to work. Those first few days alone with the baby were horrible. I was definitely having what they call the "baby blues", on top of a complete lack of sleep. I just felt like I should be back at work and that someone else should be taking care of my child. After having thoughts like those you just start feeling guilty for thinking them. I couldn't believe that I wanted a baby so bad and I finally had one but wanted to be at work. It's just a hard adjustment....which is still hard on some days. I went from working full time and having complete independence to not being able to leave the house at all. Luckily, with my family and my husband's family, I haven't had to be alone too much. My husband has been very supportive as well. When he gets home from work he usually gives me a break so I can take a shower, play with the dog or do something that I haven't been able to do all day. My dog has been handling the adjustment better now than that first week too. She was miserable the first week and wouldn't even play with my husband or I. Now, she's pretty much back to her old self which is very comforting.
Then there's breastfeeding! It's supposed to be the easiest thing in the world to do, women for thousands of years have been doing it, but my baby and I suck at it....excuse the pun:) If you watch a YouTube video of how it's "supposed" to be done it looks nothing like me feeding my baby. After 4 weeks of doing this I still look extremely awkward. The baby has her one month doctors appointment on Monday and that's going to be the tell all. If she's gained the appropriate amount of weight then I'll be able to continue awkwardly feeding her and counting down the days until 6 months when I can wean her:) However, if she's underweight we're going to have problems and I don't know if I'll have the confidence to continue putting myself through all this.
I've just re-read this blog entry and it seems a little bit cold. I should add that I'm thrilled to be a Mother, especially to my baby girl. She is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and it's amazing that I created her....with my husband of course:) I've really enjoyed seeing her change just a little bit everyday. She's so much more aware and alert now than in the beginning and it's getting really exciting showing her different things. I love her facial expressions. Hopefully I'll manage to get myself through this period of adjustment somehow!
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