Today was the baby's one month doctors appointment and I was very nervous going into it because I wasn't sure if she'd gained the appropriate amount of weight. All of the visitors who have seen her recently have said that she felt heavier but I was still very nervous. Luckily, she is right on track with her weight gain and I'm extremely happy about that! The doctor said everything else looked great too....swoosh. That all left me feeling terrific for about 5 minutes until I got home and the panic about whether I'm doing things right started all over again:( Even though I still dislike breastfeeding, it's extremely empowering knowing that I have exclusively fed another person for an entire month on something my body has produced. Therefore, I'll continue to do it as well as b**** and complain about it for a little while longer.
Getting to the doctors today was actually a bit of a disorganized mess because you don't realize how hard it is to get a one month old baby ready to leave the house. I had it all planned out....I decided to do what I did for the previous appointment, which was to feed her right before we left the house. Well that turned into a crying fit because apparently she wasn't hungry and was refusing to eat. It left me covered in milk and spit up but I certainly didn't have time to change! After I quit trying to force feed her I had to get her changed into her appointment appropriate outfit, which was a little bundler with pink ballet slippers on it:) Of course that involved a diaper change, which lead to her peeing all over herself and then by the time I got her dressed I was practically running out the door. It wasn't until we got to the doctors office, my Mother came with us, that I realized I had forgotten her diaper bag. Luckily, they have extra diapers at the office....swoosh. My Mother did comment that it could have been worse, I could have forgotten the baby:)
My Mother is staying with me for a few days because my husband is away on business and these visits always get interesting. No matter how helpful my Mother is she always has a habit of getting on my nerves. I feel terrible about it and I really try hard not to snap at her but I always end up doing it a couple of times. One of the things she's been doing since I've had the baby which is driving me crazy is telling me that I'm feeding the baby too often. Grr, the doctor said to do it on demand and if she's acting hungry I'm going to feed her! It is nice having her here though because she has had 4 babies and it's comforting having someone around who doesn't panic at the sound of every weird baby noise. I really didn't think I was ready to be all alone with the baby overnight. My Mother watches the baby for me so I can get some things done or take a shower. It's amazing what a nice hot shower, without the fear of a baby crying during it, will do for your mood.
I think I'm finally getting a little more used to be home during the day although every day is still so different. It's this complete lack of structure in my day that is driving me the most crazy. I like to have a plan and the baby doesn't. Each day she eats, sleeps and plays at completely different times. It makes it impossible to even figure out what is "normal" for her. I can't say how often I've "googled" things to figure out if they're normal or not. I try not to but it is an easy way to find some answers. I don't know what parents did before the world wide web! Alright, the baby is stirring so until next time!
Monday, April 11, 2016
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
I'm Back!
After a long break from blogging (my last blog being 10/8/14) I've decided to start blogging again since I've definitely missed the writing. My last blog consisted of daily entries for 365 days, because I was working on my OCD and thought that writing my daily activities down would help. Currently, I still have OCD, but I'm not even going to try to blog every single day since now I have a baby:) Most of this blog will be about me fumbling my way through Motherhood and I will also be discussing how it effects my OCD.
My baby girl was born 3/9/16. Up until the day my baby was born I didn't know what the gender was although I had a feeling very early on that it was going to be a girl. Honestly, I didn't care at all as long as he/she was healthy. I was so nervous the entire pregnancy that something would go wrong, I really think that was a lot of my OCD involving superstitions. Every trip to the bathroom until the first trimester was over was a nerve wracking experience for me. I even delayed telling my co-workers until I was well within the second trimester. Luckily, everything turned out fine and she was born very healthy! Being pregnant really wasn't as bad as I was expecting, even up until the day I delivered I was able to get around without much issue. I had these images of waddling around the last month, but that wasn't me at all. My last day at work was the day before my due-date and I was still very active then. With this being said, I still suffered from various pregnancy issues but nothing that made the experience horrifying. One of the hardest parts of being pregnant for me were the food restrictions and not being able to drink alcohol. It's not like I was an alcoholic before but I definitely enjoyed my weekend drinks and it was a major adjustment for me at first. Also, I had gotten really into working out prior to my pregnancy and I was too nervous to work out during my pregnancy, which I'm now sort of regretting. Now, when I look at my post baby body I feel like I have a lot of work to do! Once I have my 6 week postpartum appointment and the doctor gives me the okay, I'm going to have to start getting some workouts in. Gulp, I'm not sure how I'm going to have time but it's a must!
It's been 4 weeks since my baby was born and I can easily say these have been the hardest 4 weeks of my life! Nothing really prepares you for this. The first week wasn't terrible because my husband was home but then he had to go back to work. Those first few days alone with the baby were horrible. I was definitely having what they call the "baby blues", on top of a complete lack of sleep. I just felt like I should be back at work and that someone else should be taking care of my child. After having thoughts like those you just start feeling guilty for thinking them. I couldn't believe that I wanted a baby so bad and I finally had one but wanted to be at work. It's just a hard adjustment....which is still hard on some days. I went from working full time and having complete independence to not being able to leave the house at all. Luckily, with my family and my husband's family, I haven't had to be alone too much. My husband has been very supportive as well. When he gets home from work he usually gives me a break so I can take a shower, play with the dog or do something that I haven't been able to do all day. My dog has been handling the adjustment better now than that first week too. She was miserable the first week and wouldn't even play with my husband or I. Now, she's pretty much back to her old self which is very comforting.
Then there's breastfeeding! It's supposed to be the easiest thing in the world to do, women for thousands of years have been doing it, but my baby and I suck at it....excuse the pun:) If you watch a YouTube video of how it's "supposed" to be done it looks nothing like me feeding my baby. After 4 weeks of doing this I still look extremely awkward. The baby has her one month doctors appointment on Monday and that's going to be the tell all. If she's gained the appropriate amount of weight then I'll be able to continue awkwardly feeding her and counting down the days until 6 months when I can wean her:) However, if she's underweight we're going to have problems and I don't know if I'll have the confidence to continue putting myself through all this.
I've just re-read this blog entry and it seems a little bit cold. I should add that I'm thrilled to be a Mother, especially to my baby girl. She is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and it's amazing that I created her....with my husband of course:) I've really enjoyed seeing her change just a little bit everyday. She's so much more aware and alert now than in the beginning and it's getting really exciting showing her different things. I love her facial expressions. Hopefully I'll manage to get myself through this period of adjustment somehow!
My baby girl was born 3/9/16. Up until the day my baby was born I didn't know what the gender was although I had a feeling very early on that it was going to be a girl. Honestly, I didn't care at all as long as he/she was healthy. I was so nervous the entire pregnancy that something would go wrong, I really think that was a lot of my OCD involving superstitions. Every trip to the bathroom until the first trimester was over was a nerve wracking experience for me. I even delayed telling my co-workers until I was well within the second trimester. Luckily, everything turned out fine and she was born very healthy! Being pregnant really wasn't as bad as I was expecting, even up until the day I delivered I was able to get around without much issue. I had these images of waddling around the last month, but that wasn't me at all. My last day at work was the day before my due-date and I was still very active then. With this being said, I still suffered from various pregnancy issues but nothing that made the experience horrifying. One of the hardest parts of being pregnant for me were the food restrictions and not being able to drink alcohol. It's not like I was an alcoholic before but I definitely enjoyed my weekend drinks and it was a major adjustment for me at first. Also, I had gotten really into working out prior to my pregnancy and I was too nervous to work out during my pregnancy, which I'm now sort of regretting. Now, when I look at my post baby body I feel like I have a lot of work to do! Once I have my 6 week postpartum appointment and the doctor gives me the okay, I'm going to have to start getting some workouts in. Gulp, I'm not sure how I'm going to have time but it's a must!
It's been 4 weeks since my baby was born and I can easily say these have been the hardest 4 weeks of my life! Nothing really prepares you for this. The first week wasn't terrible because my husband was home but then he had to go back to work. Those first few days alone with the baby were horrible. I was definitely having what they call the "baby blues", on top of a complete lack of sleep. I just felt like I should be back at work and that someone else should be taking care of my child. After having thoughts like those you just start feeling guilty for thinking them. I couldn't believe that I wanted a baby so bad and I finally had one but wanted to be at work. It's just a hard adjustment....which is still hard on some days. I went from working full time and having complete independence to not being able to leave the house at all. Luckily, with my family and my husband's family, I haven't had to be alone too much. My husband has been very supportive as well. When he gets home from work he usually gives me a break so I can take a shower, play with the dog or do something that I haven't been able to do all day. My dog has been handling the adjustment better now than that first week too. She was miserable the first week and wouldn't even play with my husband or I. Now, she's pretty much back to her old self which is very comforting.
Then there's breastfeeding! It's supposed to be the easiest thing in the world to do, women for thousands of years have been doing it, but my baby and I suck at it....excuse the pun:) If you watch a YouTube video of how it's "supposed" to be done it looks nothing like me feeding my baby. After 4 weeks of doing this I still look extremely awkward. The baby has her one month doctors appointment on Monday and that's going to be the tell all. If she's gained the appropriate amount of weight then I'll be able to continue awkwardly feeding her and counting down the days until 6 months when I can wean her:) However, if she's underweight we're going to have problems and I don't know if I'll have the confidence to continue putting myself through all this.
I've just re-read this blog entry and it seems a little bit cold. I should add that I'm thrilled to be a Mother, especially to my baby girl. She is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and it's amazing that I created her....with my husband of course:) I've really enjoyed seeing her change just a little bit everyday. She's so much more aware and alert now than in the beginning and it's getting really exciting showing her different things. I love her facial expressions. Hopefully I'll manage to get myself through this period of adjustment somehow!
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