Today was the baby's one month doctors appointment and I was very nervous going into it because I wasn't sure if she'd gained the appropriate amount of weight. All of the visitors who have seen her recently have said that she felt heavier but I was still very nervous. Luckily, she is right on track with her weight gain and I'm extremely happy about that! The doctor said everything else looked great too....swoosh. That all left me feeling terrific for about 5 minutes until I got home and the panic about whether I'm doing things right started all over again:( Even though I still dislike breastfeeding, it's extremely empowering knowing that I have exclusively fed another person for an entire month on something my body has produced. Therefore, I'll continue to do it as well as b**** and complain about it for a little while longer.
Getting to the doctors today was actually a bit of a disorganized mess because you don't realize how hard it is to get a one month old baby ready to leave the house. I had it all planned out....I decided to do what I did for the previous appointment, which was to feed her right before we left the house. Well that turned into a crying fit because apparently she wasn't hungry and was refusing to eat. It left me covered in milk and spit up but I certainly didn't have time to change! After I quit trying to force feed her I had to get her changed into her appointment appropriate outfit, which was a little bundler with pink ballet slippers on it:) Of course that involved a diaper change, which lead to her peeing all over herself and then by the time I got her dressed I was practically running out the door. It wasn't until we got to the doctors office, my Mother came with us, that I realized I had forgotten her diaper bag. Luckily, they have extra diapers at the office....swoosh. My Mother did comment that it could have been worse, I could have forgotten the baby:)
My Mother is staying with me for a few days because my husband is away on business and these visits always get interesting. No matter how helpful my Mother is she always has a habit of getting on my nerves. I feel terrible about it and I really try hard not to snap at her but I always end up doing it a couple of times. One of the things she's been doing since I've had the baby which is driving me crazy is telling me that I'm feeding the baby too often. Grr, the doctor said to do it on demand and if she's acting hungry I'm going to feed her! It is nice having her here though because she has had 4 babies and it's comforting having someone around who doesn't panic at the sound of every weird baby noise. I really didn't think I was ready to be all alone with the baby overnight. My Mother watches the baby for me so I can get some things done or take a shower. It's amazing what a nice hot shower, without the fear of a baby crying during it, will do for your mood.
I think I'm finally getting a little more used to be home during the day although every day is still so different. It's this complete lack of structure in my day that is driving me the most crazy. I like to have a plan and the baby doesn't. Each day she eats, sleeps and plays at completely different times. It makes it impossible to even figure out what is "normal" for her. I can't say how often I've "googled" things to figure out if they're normal or not. I try not to but it is an easy way to find some answers. I don't know what parents did before the world wide web! Alright, the baby is stirring so until next time!
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